right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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