I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
