why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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