I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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