So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize