Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have fence marks all over my body
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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