2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
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there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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