I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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