Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
