I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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