All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
