i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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