Im at strip club and am horny
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
