she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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