Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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