If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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