Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Drake has all the answers
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
