I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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