I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
