he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
