How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dignity is for republicans.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize