wrigley field is MILF paradise
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
