just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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