I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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