I just saw a hot homeless man
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
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and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Two words: nipple clamps
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