I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
