do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
