Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Naked. naked and bneed help.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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