This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
