I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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