So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
