i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
