Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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