i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
