for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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