Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
