im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
