Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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