Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
