I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
