I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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