I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
