Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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