marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
