This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We had sex on a dog bed..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I would fuck him just for his dog
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
