you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
