All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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