Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
