I'm so fucking centered right now
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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