just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
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