Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
