This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
