she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
