I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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