i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
