I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
