can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
