And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
