You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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