i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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