if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
