so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
