I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
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I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
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As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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