Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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