just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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