A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
