Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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