Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Boobs speak an international language.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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