I am spending my child support on dildos
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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