listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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