..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
