How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
