Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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