i may or may not be watching the land before time
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
