I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
