I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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