Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
