He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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