He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
