im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
