I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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