Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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