I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
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How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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