I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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